Came across this gem of a photo the other day. Circa 1977. St. Johnsbury Jr. High School (Trade School) for you 'ol timers..lol. Sure did a lot of growing up in them days. Some of the best and worst years. Friendsgips were formed, dismantled, good times availed as well as a few scraps and clashes in between.
Fond memories though..
We are not here to be comfortable and coddled for entirety, we have been put here to learn, teach and care for others during our lifetime. Its a matter of what can we do for others comfort and stability.
Daughter in law Lara has taken it upon herself to try and help me gain the Veteran Benefits that have escaped me for 40 years now. I never really felt the need or the inclination to even attempt to find out eligibility for the various benefits. Once discharged I kind of just wanted to put things out of mind and move on without dealing with the bureaucracy that is the VA and its policies, etc. In truth, I just prefer to forget I even served at all, not really being all that proud of that time in my life. But alas, it is appreciative and possibly beneficial for me due to the ongoing health and need for prescriptions and check ups, etc. I have been denied SSI and SSDI thus far and have had no income for over three years now and increased anxiety and urgency for an income of some kind to lessen the burden placed on Deb and the kids.
Long story short, I have applied for health benefits , my Vet ID card other than the designation on my drivers license which still need to be changed over to Florida. So, I intend to ride the benefits train as far as I can or until denied..
I won't be sleeping tonight
I know that it's gonna be war (War)
Lately been up, wondering why
I'm even worth fighting for
I've been getting so tired of holding the line, yeah
The price that I pay to survive seems so high and I
I am raising my white flag tonight
When I close my eyes it's there waiting for me
Finds me every time, will I never be free?
There's a monster I caged deep behind my eyes
I can never escape, I've been running for miles
When the morning comes I know it will still be there
My never ending nightmare (My never ending nightmare)
Pull the veil over my eyes
So I can't see the person I've become
What am I doing with my life?
Try to stop staring at the sun
But my eyes get the best of me
I'm on the edge, I'm in too deep
Why can't you see that I'm right here waiting?
I close my eyes, it's there waiting for me
Finds me every time, will I never be free?
There's a monster I caged deep behind my eyes
I can never escape, I've been running for miles
When the morning comes I know it will still be there
My never ending nightmare
I've almost had enough
Knowing I just couldn't get much lower
It's got me so messed up
Never knowing when this story's over
It's so hard to fight for myself
When living means living in hell
When I close my eyes it's there waiting for me
Finds me every time, will I never be free?
There's a monster I caged deep behind my eyes
I can never escape, I've been running for miles
When the morning comes I know it will still be there
My never ending nightmare, (My never ending nightmare)
How many nights have you waited for someone to care
Thinking dying is what you deserve
Like a sad song that no one seems to understand
'Cause some pain is just too much for words
No, I don't know your name
No, I can't see your face
But I've been to that place in the dark
So in case you just needed to hear someone say
I'm so proud of you for getting this far
So if you're feeling like dying
No tears left for crying
Alone at the edge of a cliff
If you're so sick of fighting
The monsters you're hiding
And wondering if you would be missed
You're not the only one that's feeling likе this
If you're hearing this song it's a gift
A reason to livе,
(A reason to live)
How many times have you reached out for anyone's hand
From the depths of your personal hell?
And then counted the ways you could end all your pain
'Cause you're so tired of saving yourself
I'm a stranger at best but please don't second guess
All the hope that you hear in my voice
This is not some cliché, promise you if you stay
Someday you'll see that you were well worth that choice
You Are Enough
Soldier
So if you're feeling like dying
No tears left for crying
Alone at the edge of a cliff
If you're so sick of fighting
The monsters you're hiding
And wondering if you would be missed
You're not the only one that's feeling like this
If you're hearing this song it's a gift
What a beautiful truth that a human can choose
To become more than just what they feel
'Cause the hell in your head will be nothing compared
To the person that it couldn't kill
You can tell when its fall in Florida simply by looking at license plates as you drive around. The colors of fall are on the rear of most vehicles..lol. All kidding aside, the tourism industry begins to boom as the snowbirds and others begin to filter in as evidenced by he numerous differences in license pates seen throughout the state.
As we say goodbye to those humid summer days with slightly lower temps its a welcome reprieve from sweltering temps, damp humidity and sticky, sweltering bodies. I am not complaining at all, as I wouldn't trade these days for the cold, snowy north. I believe I have settled into my comfort zone here in Florida. Can't beat the porch sitting in November thru Feb or March without shivering my ass off or having to worry about shoveling out the driveway, etc. No more having to be sure there is oil in the tank for heat, etc. Anyway I could go over all the pro's & con's but I will spare you and myself, you get the gist of it anyway.
The former garden area is/was in need of a make-over as the shrubs that were there were overgrown and unsightly so I finally got started on it. Whomever owned the house prior, put a ton of crushed rock down and no matter how deep I go, I keep hitting more and more.
I planted Bromeliads before going north last month, but now in hindsight I wish I had waited as they are a low growing plant and would have been better in the front. I might still change them, just not sure as yet. Depends on what else I decide to put in the area. The original are as you can see was approx. 6 feet in depth and the length of the front section of the house. We are/will be cutting that down to about half the depth as highlighted by the string. The brick work will be brought back to the stone line and we will fill in the area with fresh soil, etc. to give any new plant a running start.
Take a look at that potted Mexican Mint ( Coleus amboinicus) plant, its already become three times its size since bringing it home..
I also started a small area on the other side of the entrance with snake plants.
.jpg)
But all went well, in and out within 20 minutes once the procedure started. Only one pullup removed, but they did find spider veins at the end of the colon which bears keeping an eye on in the future. Apparently if they get to close to the surface there is potential for bleeding. But I am good for at least another 7-10 years they say..yippy!
Only flaw was they couldn't find a decent vein for the IV. so they had to get ultrasound in their to look for a suitable one only after fail sticking me four times and one of them being a collapsed vein.
UPDATE:
Followed up with PC today. down to 165lbs from 175..where the hell its going I have no idea 'cause I eat constantly... Other than that all is good, trying Chantix to see if I can curb the smoking and possibly quit for the next few months so we shall see how that goes. See ya again in November doc.
Yuppers time for a colonoscopy. Its about ten years overdue, and I am following up on doctor recommendations this time.
Spent the day yesterday traveling to Maine, and today prepping for the procedure. Tomorrow is the actual visit and exam.. we shall see what the results are then. I also have a follow up appointment with my PC Tuesday as well. With any luck at all that will be it for visits and exams for a while as I am really getting tired of taking these trips for medical follow ups, etc.
So re-potting time.. 07/12/23 did the deed, gave it a good shacking to clear the roots without damaging any that were still viable, washed the pot, placed in new well draining soil mix and gave it a bit of light. Well see if she can bounce back and be healthy yet again.
I also have one in a large pot out front that is absolutely thriving at this point and growing like crazy, I am hoping this one cam bounce back and then I can propagate from both of them.
What started out as a single plant has now expanded into 5 individuals. I am hoping to fill this pot with off shoots and new growth this summer and nurse the small one back into a condition where it too will create pups and off shoots.
