End of another..

 

Well another year and chapter closed. As we bring an end to 2023 I reflect on the many positives and not so positive times and events that shaped the year.  Its been an interesting ride thus far and look forward to 2024 where I am sure there will be many more events and times.

We are not here to be comfortable and coddled for entirety, we have been put here to learn, teach and care for others during our lifetime. Its a matter of what can we do for others comfort and stability.

Daughter in law Lara has taken it upon herself to try and help me gain the Veteran Benefits that have escaped me for 40 years now. I never really felt the need or the inclination to even attempt to find out eligibility for the various benefits. Once discharged I kind of just wanted to put things out of mind and move on without dealing with the bureaucracy that is the VA and its policies, etc. In truth, I just prefer to forget I even served at all, not really being all that proud of that time in my life. But alas, it is appreciative and possibly beneficial for me due to the ongoing health and need for prescriptions and check ups, etc. I have been denied SSI and SSDI thus far and have had no income for over three years now and increased anxiety and urgency for an income of some kind to lessen the burden placed on Deb and the kids.

Long story short, I have applied for health benefits , my Vet ID card other than the designation on my drivers license which still need to be changed over to Florida. So, I intend to ride the benefits train as far as I can or until denied..

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Never ending Nightmare:

 I won't be sleeping tonight

I know that it's gonna be war (War)

Lately been up, wondering why

I'm even worth fighting for

I've been getting so tired of holding the line, yeah

The price that I pay to survive seems so high and I

I am raising my white flag tonight

When I close my eyes it's there waiting for me

Finds me every time, will I never be free?

There's a monster I caged deep behind my eyes

I can never escape, I've been running for miles

When the morning comes I know it will still be there

My never ending nightmare (My never ending nightmare)

Pull the veil over my eyes 

So I can't see the person I've become

What am I doing with my life?

Try to stop staring at the sun

But my eyes get the best of me

I'm on the edge, I'm in too deep

Why can't you see that I'm right here waiting?

I close my eyes, it's there waiting for me

Finds me every time, will I never be free?

There's a monster I caged deep behind my eyes

I can never escape, I've been running for miles

When the morning comes I know it will still be there

My never ending nightmare

I've almost had enough

Knowing I just couldn't get much lower

It's got me so messed up

Never knowing when this story's over

It's so hard to fight for myself

When living means living in hell

When I close my eyes it's there waiting for me

Finds me every time, will I never be free?

There's a monster I caged deep behind my eyes

I can never escape, I've been running for miles

When the morning comes I know it will still be there

My never ending nightmare, (My never ending nightmare)

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(A reason to live)

 How many nights have you waited for someone to care

Thinking dying is what you deserve

Like a sad song that no one seems to understand

'Cause some pain is just too much for words

No, I don't know your name

No, I can't see your face

But I've been to that place in the dark

So in case you just needed to hear someone say

I'm so proud of you for getting this far

So if you're feeling like dying

No tears left for crying

Alone at the edge of a cliff

If you're so sick of fighting

The monsters you're hiding

And wondering if you would be missed

You're not the only one that's feeling likе this

If you're hearing this song it's a gift

A reason to livе,

(A reason to live)

How many times have you reached out for anyone's hand

From the depths of your personal hell?

And then counted the ways you could end all your pain

'Cause you're so tired of saving yourself

I'm a stranger at best but please don't second guess

All the hope that you hear in my voice

This is not some cliché, promise you if you stay

Someday you'll see that you were well worth that choice

You Are Enough

Soldier

So if you're feeling like dying

No tears left for crying

Alone at the edge of a cliff

If you're so sick of fighting

The monsters you're hiding

And wondering if you would be missed

You're not the only one that's feeling like this

If you're hearing this song it's a gift

What a beautiful truth that a human can choose

To become more than just what they feel

'Cause the hell in your head will be nothing compared

To the person that it couldn't kill

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Welcome Fall.

 

You can tell when its fall in Florida simply by looking at license plates as you drive around. The colors of fall are on the rear of most vehicles..lol. All kidding aside, the tourism industry begins to boom as the snowbirds and others begin to filter in as evidenced by he numerous differences in license pates seen throughout the state.

As we say goodbye to those humid summer days with slightly lower temps its a welcome reprieve from sweltering temps, damp humidity and sticky, sweltering bodies. I am not complaining at all, as I wouldn't trade these days for the cold, snowy north. I believe I have settled into my comfort zone here in Florida. Can't beat the porch sitting in November thru Feb or March without shivering my ass off or having to worry about shoveling out the driveway, etc. No more having to be sure there is oil in the tank for heat, etc. Anyway I could go over all the pro's & con's but I will spare you and myself, you get the gist of it anyway.

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She is done..

 Much happier with the blue than that ugly terra cotta look.

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Transformation under way..

 

The house is finally getting painted after several months of waiting and pissing off the HOA.. No fault of ours though. Here are all the cracks found along the back side of the house. All patched and ready for paint. Filled a couple on the sides as well but has yet to do the front side which is worse than the back I am sure. Currently repairing some shotty drywall work on the porch ceiling. For whatever reason the tried to screw it up there and completely missed the beams with the screws so nothing was really holding it up in spots other than the existing paint, and of course the cracks started showing up and getting bigger over time, so....And instead of using the appropriate type of drywall, they just used the same as the interior and that doesn't work in the temps and weather conditions Florida has, but what can ya do, Not replacing an entire ceiling so patching as best that can be done. 

More as we get along...

Day -3 paint started:

interior/exterior porch done, Started the above section of back wall then weather halted it.

Day 4 and the entire back side is now done as well the two sides, front is patched and ready for paint. 

Liking the porch color a lot better than that awful terra-cotta orange.

Painter took weekend off as it was his birthday so hopefully tomorrow, Monday it will be finished all around, we'll see.

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The big 5.

 

We had a small family party for Aria's 5th Birthday. Hard to believe she is already 5 years old and smarter than a whip. She is always a joy to have around.

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Front garden started.

 

The former garden area is/was in need of a make-over as the shrubs that were there were overgrown and unsightly so I finally got started on it. Whomever owned the house prior, put a ton of crushed rock down and no matter how deep I go, I keep hitting more and more.

I planted Bromeliads before going north last month, but now in hindsight I wish I had waited as they are a low growing plant and would have been better in the front. I might still change them, just not sure as yet. Depends on what else I decide to put in the area. The original are as you can see was approx. 6 feet in depth and the length of the front section of the house. We are/will be cutting that down to about half the depth as highlighted by the string. The brick work will be brought back to the stone line and we will fill in the area with fresh soil, etc. to give any new plant a running start.

Take a look at that potted Mexican Mint ( Coleus amboinicus) plant, its already become three times its size since bringing it home..

I also started a small area on the other side of the entrance with snake plants.

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Deed is Done.!

 Procedure went well, aside from the prep being a pain in the ass...literally. I swear I told 'em, One of the pro-op procedure questions is do you have hemorrhoids.. answer was no. Then came the prep solution 24 hours in advance, If I had to wipe my ass one more time YES, I would have hemorrhoids. DAAANG that stuff is wicked.

But all went well, in and out within 20 minutes once the procedure started. Only one pullup removed, but they did find spider veins at the end of the colon which bears keeping an eye on in the future. Apparently if they get to close to the surface there is potential for bleeding. But I am good for at least another 7-10 years they say..yippy!

Only flaw was they couldn't find a decent vein for the IV. so they had to get ultrasound in their to look for a suitable one only after fail sticking me four times and one of them being a collapsed vein.

UPDATE:

Followed up with PC today. down to 165lbs from 175..where the hell its going I have no idea 'cause I eat constantly... Other than that all is good, trying Chantix to see if I can curb the smoking and possibly quit for the next few months so we shall see how that goes. See ya again in November doc.

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The dreaded deed,,

 

Its that time, and the first time too.

Yuppers time for a colonoscopy. Its about ten years overdue, and I am following up on doctor recommendations this time.

Spent the day yesterday traveling to Maine, and today prepping for the procedure. Tomorrow is the actual visit and exam.. we shall see what the results are then. I also have a follow up appointment with my PC Tuesday as well. With any luck at all that will be it for visits and exams for a while as I am really getting tired of taking these trips for medical follow ups, etc.

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Repotted sickly mint

 

This poor Mexican Mint was looking rough as hell.. Yellowing leaves, dried tips, etc. and the soil was marginal at best and too compacted to let the roots thrive.

So re-potting time.. 07/12/23 did the deed, gave it a good shacking to clear the roots without damaging any that were still viable, washed the pot, placed in new well draining soil mix and gave it a bit of light. Well see if she can bounce back and be healthy yet again.

I also have one in a large pot out front that is absolutely thriving at this point and growing like crazy, I am hoping this one cam bounce back and then I can propagate from both of them. 

What started out as a single plant has now expanded into 5 individuals. I am hoping to fill this pot with off shoots and new growth this summer and nurse the small one back into a condition where it too will create pups and off shoots.

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Possible postal delivery.

 

A dear friend had planted some Mullein plants a few years back and this year they decided to make their presence known. She has offered to send my some seeds if she can harvest any this year. Usually used for a medicinal or herbal tea, but I mostly want them for stature, size, and color for the front garden. We will see what happens if she is able to send them along.

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